It's raining
Like always, the weather displays my soul, my heart
I hope when you walk under it they wet your clothes
like my tears did before
Not that you cared
Not that it touch you anymore
It's been a long time since you stopped wanting to see me happy
or make me happy
You got used to see me sad
I only know I shouldn't have come to this country
I've accumulated so many memories all along this time
Walking out of a baseball game
taking pictures against the painted wall
Helping you choose a cap
Searching for you in TD garden after going to the bathroom
Finding you, again, between the thousands of people and faces, bodies
Only because in this instant I know where you are
and our paths are intertwined
The luck I felt just by realizing that, then and now
My brain is fried with incomprehension
with questions, deep inside, I dont want to formulate them
But that capacity makes me dizzy, numb, eats my energy
There is nothing I can say to you that will ever do justice to what is happening to me
In your eyes my emotions are too much, my depth, who I am.
Makes me wonder too many things
I just cease and accept your nothingness
I´m like a swimmer that always swims back to you
Yet, every time you throw me further. Hoping for me not to return.
I just learn to swim from further
Increasing my capacity
Becoming a better swimmer
Maybe one day I will question, why swim back to a shore that doesn't want to have you?
I guess when I open my eyes, I will thank you for teaching me how to swim
for developing the muscles, the lungs, the legs, the strength
and go, wander, explore other places
Hopefully one day I will finally find my place, my shore
A shore where I belong and where I'm welcomed and valued and never ever be thrown away to the sea, ever again.